4 Tips For Avoiding Divorce

Divorce statistics have been steadily escalating in recent years. We at savemymarriagetoday.com believe that before your marriage becomes just another number, there are steps you can take to actually build a strong, stable marriage and avoid divorce. Here are some summarized from our popular e-book “6 Most Common Reasons for Divorce… and How to Stop Them From Happening to You!”

1. Start by understanding and being informed.

You can never be too informed about tools, methods and studies about building successful marriages. Understand the risk factors like your age and maturity at marriage can determine how successful it will be, the anatomy of an affair and what you can do after infidelity. Understand the success factors like the personal and psychological circumstances that will influence your marriage, what are the tools and approaches available to you in dealing with conflict, and numerous other relevant data. All this information is readily available to you whether through self-help material, through a counselor, support group or other venues. In fact, we have made it our commitment to provide these to you in different formats to help you make the best marriage you can.

The thing is, remember, this is information is not available for you to begin hyper-psychoanalyzing your relationship, yourself and your partner. It’s not a matter of spewing trivia for the sake of conversation – information is there for you to ponder over and internalize to help you transform yourself and your marriage. That includes maturing to such a point that you become more competent in your knowledge but more prudent in approach.

2. A solid marriage is one in which you never stop putting in effort to make it better and better.

Good marriages are made. They don’t just fall from heaven or off the pages of a romance novel. Unfortunately, many couples still believe that everything will be just fine after the wedding. Well, the wedding may have been absolutely lovely but the hard work of the marriage comes right after!

When the prospect of years together crops up, you just can’t slack off. Nope, it’s not a matter of stressing yourself trying to please your spouse daily. It’s a mutual commitment to be “other-focused”, to communicate, spend time together, plan and set goals as a couple, lay down guidelines and sticking to them, lay down guidelines and knowing when to change them, dealing with kids and other significant relationships and so on. And, don’t forget – keeping up the romance, passion and intimacy in your marriage – even if some days, you both are not in sync. Interestingly, a couple who has put in the effort develop an almost 6th sense about the others needs and desires. Now THAT is effort well worth it.

3. Commitment, commitment, commitment.

Notice that we did not say happiness as one of  hey factors in making a successful marriage. It’s not even purely love. You see, happiness comes and goes and takes many forms. Love grows, wanes, develops and is a given in marriage relationship. Commitment, though, is something to invest in, to muster, to understand, to renew from time to time. This is the one constant through the happy and sad times, through the passionate and lovelorn times. Commitment make people want to stay, make them feel they ought to stay, and/or they have to stay.

What many couples don’t realize is that commitment is a decision. It’s an act of choice within one mature individual that translates to how this person will be present for another. It is not a whim nor an extra. It is the true foundation of any relationship.

4. The power lies with you.

I always say that mature individuals make mature, lasting marriages. What people fail to realize is that, in anything, even a love relationship and more so in one, you can take responsibility and choose your actions. When the going gets tough, you have the choice to either react to the situation you’re in or to be swept away by a tide of emotion. When faced by temptation, the temptation will not make you “do it” – you will. It all lies with you. A happy, fulfilling relationship begins with you.

This means that you also have a lot of self-work to do. Work out your issues, mature, learn to love yourself. These are all part of growing up and growing into a successful marriage. Even when your partner has issues of his or her own or buckles under the pressure of a crisis – there is still you.

All in all, what I have outlined here are four broad tips on how to avoid divorce. There are many little details in each tip that you can continue to explore with your spouse as you build a successful marriage.

Tips to add spice and keep the love in your marriage.

 We’ve heard the term “two old marrieds” before. Most of us “younger marrieds” harbor dreams of getting to that point. Some of us find it unappealing and unexciting. After all, what would you always prefer? A marriage as comfy as an old sock or the one hyped up in romantic novels and comedies?

Interestingly, it does take years of passion, love and intimacy to get to the point where a couple is so comfortable with each other that they finish each other’s sentences and depend on each other. Want to know a secret? Studies say that couples like these have an even better sex life in their marital futures than the ones with all the passion at the start then burn out later on.

Why? Because these savvy couples don’t let up on keeping the intimacy, passion and spice in their marriages. They’ve built it up through the years to what we can call as a marriage “art form”.

How can you learn these spicy tips to keep the love in your marriage? Here’s some of them!

1. Prioritize each other.

This is the mother of all tips. Successful old marrieds have come to realize that above all relationships each one has in their lives – even kids, own parents, siblings, co-workers, best buds – a couple has to prioritize their marriage.

Why? Ultimately, it will be just the two of you going through life together and you made the promise to do so. People fail to realize that your spouse is your first and foremost priority! They allow their marriages to get caught in between squabbling kids, family politics and even work obligations. Big no-no.

Your spouse has to know that he or she can trust on you to do what’s best for the relationship and vice versa, that he or she is your best friend and will never let you down. When you work as a team, you face the obligations you have towards others as a team.

2. Don’t give up dating... Each other!

The humdrum of life, kids and laundry can take a way time for each other. Don’t allow it! If you're the spontaneous type, rethink your understanding because you really do have to set a date to date your spouse – and keep it regular!

You can even take turns planning surprise dates. They don't have to be grand, they just have to be time off to feed number one above. And, don’t forget, they same way you are creative in dating your spouse, learn to be creative in the bedroom!

3. Fight fair, laugh always.

You might think the elements in this tip are not related but they absolutely are! It’s all a matter of attitude. How do you see fighting or arguing in your relationship? How do you see humor? If you can inject both with a positive approach always, then you realize that it all comes from the inside.

Learn how to fight constructively with the correct communication tools. And don’t take fighting too seriously. Laugh with your spouse at your annoying little fights. See them both as essential to your marriage.

4. Talk, discuss, agree to disagree!

As a couple, it’s better if you share a majority of your beliefs and perspectives about life. But, even if you don’t, talking, discussing and bantering are important in keeping the spice in your marriage. You can even agree to disagree and that’s that! The more you talk, the more you get to know what your spouse is thinking and feeling. The more you get to know the real person behind the words. The more opportunities you find that you still surprise each other after all!

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Marriage Counseling Therapy

Marriage can be wonderful and complicated; happy and sad; exciting and mundane.  Rarely is it “smooth sailing” throughout its course, which is why many couples seek out marriage counseling.  Therapy can be very beneficial if your marriage is hitting some rough seas.  With a qualified therapist you and your spouse can find new ways to navigate the course of your marriage more effectively.  Conflict will never disappear altogether, as you are both human.  But it can be minimized at least to some degree so your marriage stays intact. 

There are many different issues which may come to the surface if you and your spouse decide to go to marriage counseling.  Therapy for couples will help you look at things in a new light, consider unhealthy patterns, and find ways to communicate better.  Sometimes things may get worse before they get better as you face tough issues and open up wounds which have never really healed.   But these wounds must be opened and dealt with if things are to get better in your marriage. 
In amalgamation counseling, treatment is like washing out the infected insult so it tins finally heal once and for all.  It testaments aches at first, but it is well importance it in the long run.  A skillful therapist evidence business with you to discovery the best method to manage the ailments as you go through the process.

One of the key issues that often comes up is controversy renting go of the past.  Hanging on to old hurts, harboring resentment, and refusing to forgive evidence livelihood you stuck.  Letting go of the past is difficult for a yard of people, but it is essential for the advantage of your union and for you to type track in the route of your union counseling.  Therapy won’t location you, but it tins assistance you to get “unstuck” and discovery a technique to let go. 

Holding on to the past is destructive to a relationship.  If either you or your wife are deed this then it is departing to fair up in various procedure in your relationship.  What often happens is that whenever there is a conflict, one of you brings up the past and uses it as munitions against the other.  While it may give you a emotion of influence or strength in the moment, it keeps you both stuck.

Dredging up past wrongs is like towing a scab off a sore and renting it bleed all over again.  Needless to say, it is a destructive attitude which must be addressed in your amalgamation counseling.  Therapy tins be the safe circumstance to address this once and for all, and to start campaign towards leasing it go.

If you are the wife whose past injury is frequently thrown back in your face, you no reservation know the sting and fault that accompany such painful reminders.  We all type mistakes.  And we all intention forgiveness.  It is difficult to be in a kinsman with someone who just can’t let something go.
Sometimes it’s easier to forgive others and let go when we have experienced actuality pity ourselves.  But when you haven’t, and it is hurting your marriage, then you may really prerogative from amalgamation counseling.  Therapy is plenty less costly than a divorce.  And if you give it a chance, you may discovery that you and your wife tins finally heal the wounds and have a stronger amalgamation than ever!