Monday, 25 July 2011

Mother In Law Crisis:4 Step To Solve Problems with Mother In law

She might be the butt of jokes but in reality mother in law crisis can be a daunting prospect for the couple involved. Here you have a lady who gave birth to and raised one of you. Her wanting to be involved in your marriage is kind of hard to say "no" to. You don't want make her sad or appear ungrateful. And yet, it's obvious that the marriage is suffering somewhat by her involvement. What can you do?

Here's a 4 step approach to handing your mother in law marriage problems --

1. Recognize what's going on
In other words, both of you must admit and agree that cracks in your marriage are being caused by "that woman". If both or either of you are in denial about your mother in law causing problems, then you can't address the real problem at hand.
2. Be in agreement first
Be in agreement about the source of your problems. The trick behind dealing with problems caused by a mother in law is sieving out the person contributing to the problem from what "appears" to be the problem. Eg, your spouse tells you you're not doing well enough at your job and, that as a result, your future dreams cannot be fulfilled. Thinking more about this point of contention, you might both realize that the seed came from your wife's mother's desire for her to have a great future.
As long as you both believe certain problems crop up because of your mother in law's involvement, you have identified the source and now must agree to agree as a couple, going in together to manage the "third party".
3. Talk things out
Once you have discussed and agreed on the approach together, sit down with your mother in law to talk things out. Don't make this a confrontation. Position it as a "family meeting".
Start by thanking her for her contributions. Eventually lead into the various issues that are bothering you, what you have discussed and agreed on as a couple. Then ask for your mother in law's views. Take it in but then tell her you will want to discuss this as a couple and reach a couple decision which you will share with her another day. The idea here is to show her that her views are important, but you need to talk things through as a couple and decide as a couple. Over time, she will respect your approach.
4. Be firm but respectful
Finally, in order to really deal with your mother in law marriage problems, be sure to be firm with her, yet respectful. You can disagree with her but, as long as you show her respect, am open to hearing her opinions, and accept her advice when its good, she will eventually show you respect back.
Dealing with mother in law marriage problems can be daunting. But if you work together as a couple, recognize what's happening, get in agreement, talk things out with your mother in law, and show her due respect, you will slowly gain better control of the situation. Your family, including your in laws, will be the happier for it.
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  1. thanks for these tips. Marriage is an art. In order to be successful in marriage you need to seek some advice from those who are successful in marriage life or happily married couples.
    irvine marriage counselor

  2. As a husband and wife, the two of you must learn to compromise, make time to listen to each other, and deal with all the difficulties you might encounter.

  3. Appealing information you have provided. It gained me more knowledge and idea. Please keep up the good because i like the way you are writing. Thanks!

  4. I totally agree with number 4. There are times when you really do have to disagree with the decision of your mother in law, but when you disagree you should definitely be firm. Tell her that you had made a final decision, but be sure to explain to her why you came up with that decision, so that she will understand and accept it. Show to her that you want to make a decision on your own. Of course, do not forget to show some respect when you do this. After all, respect is a two-way street.